Chapter 3 - Boundaries

In the last two chapters, I intended to illuminate the impetus behind some of the more challenging aspects of human interaction.  If you can understand why things stand the way they do between us human beings, it can take the sting out of certain interactions.  These few salient points would be incomplete without the one fact we often over look.  It’s really very simple.  Not everyone is conscientious and not everyone is capable of growing beyond their conditioning.  For whatever reason, they remain frozen.  It could be biology, conditioning or pure choice.  Who knows? At this level of physical reality, we are not the same, have not had the exact same experiences nor have we had the same conditioning.

Regardless, understanding that to judge another by your experiences and conditioning doesn’t do much for you but lead you down the path of disappointment.  That is, unless you learn how to set boundaries.  I strongly believe in remaining in a curious position about human interactions until I can better understand what emotional stuff is mine versus theirs’.  However, sometimes boundaries are a necessary aspect of interacting with each other.  Realize that most reasonable and rational human beings will respect a boundary set.  Remember though that not everyone is reasonable or rational based on their conditioning or biological make-up as I mentioned previously.  In such cases you have even more decisions to make.  

Those decisions may be setting boundaries not only with others but also for you.

By setting boundaries for you, I mean making a very conscious decision as to what you will choose or not choose to engage in.  You can choose to let things get under your skin and engage at the same level of consciousness as that coming at you or you can decide not to.  In some cases it is wise not to engage in certain human interactions at the same level of consciousness coming at you.  I use consciousness here in terms of awareness.  Some of us are more self-aware than others and know -- that doesn’t make us better or worse.  We just are as we are and must learn to get along in some way, shape or form even if that means you set boundaries for yourself or you set boundaries for another.

The only person we can truly control is ourselves.  If we don’t like what we are hearing or what is being said, we can step off the proverbial battlefield and focus our attention on self-reflection or just moving on.  This takes courage and in some instances so much courage that you may be challenged to entertain that you even have it in you.  Most likely you do.

We have the right to choose what we will or won’t participate in and you can exercise that choice in whatever way you see fit.  That doesn’t mean you may not be judged and judged harshly for it especially if you are dealing with someone emotionally, spiritually or otherwise challenged in terms of what is considered to be normal behavior.  Again, we all have wounds but just because we are wounded, that does not excuse our behavior.  Flipping that around, just because you can see someone’s wounds and understand why they are behaving towards you in distasteful ways, that does not mean that you must excuse it, stand there and continue to suffer it.  Use the knowledge to understand and then act accordingly.  By accordingly I mean making sure you act in a way that is psychologically healthy, personally responsible, ultimately congruent with your true self and not that of just your superficial ego.

To summarize this chapter, keep the following things in mind:

• While at the highest level of consciousness we may be One, here in physical reality, we are not the same.
• We all have different experiences and while there may be common understanding of decency, morals or behavior, that still doesn’t mean these ideals are shared.
• Everyone has their own perceptions, perspectives and assumptions made about their experiences.
• You can only control your own behavior.
• You have the right to disengage from anything you find demeaning, insulting or otherwise just not supportive of your being no matter who doesn’t like it.
• You have the right to set boundaries that make you feel safe and peaceful.
• At some point you will realize all of the above and afore mentioned chapters and even these limited sets of understandings will transform.
• Focus on what you need in human interactions and strive for the awareness that others also have needs and these may conflict and that’s okay.
•  Resolving conflict requires understanding.  If you cannot come to understanding, it may be time to set boundaries.