Chapter 9 - Dawning of Forgiveness

I want to share with you a poem I wrote about the feeling of forgiveness:

Freedom of Forgiveness

Long forgotten sins I’ve cast

To the farthest reaches

Of the universe that is my mind

Then something sparks a feeling

And within the walls of my mind a crack

And a torrent of emotion is let loose

Reeling I struggle to find firm footing

The Earth seems to spin at more than double time

The stars mere streaks and blurring light

As I try to find composure in my darkness

And just when I think all is irretrievably lost

Those streaks of light slow just a hint in their movement

And come to a gentle halt

The light of forgiveness and love rains down

With grace I find the strength to stand

Reaching out to embrace every conscious thought

I find that forgiveness breathing in my soul

No longer wincing from sins long past

Comprehension dawns with the lessons of life

And unbelievably it is life that finds its purchase

Pulsing within my veins is light

And it finds the heart of me there where I’m standing

The tears replaced with beautiful smiles

Embracing the ones that come to free me

The light in their eyes and the love through the core

I am free at last

From the shadows I come

And finally face the light of the sun

Finding forgiveness is sometimes much like taking a very long road trip with no map on a twisting, winding and very dark road.  There is no right and perfect way to navigate it and despite what others may tell you, there is no right or wrong way to do it.  Some would say there are things that are unforgivable.  I say, Not So!  There is nothing unforgivable.  The things we think most unforgivable are likely those very things we have not yet found a way to forgive within ourselves.  If we mire ourselves in a prison of an unforgiving world with an unforgiving God and an unforgiving populace, my what a dreary place we’ve trapped ourselves within.

With this strange idea of what is common and decent or morally right or even conscientiously right, some things might seem unforgivable.  If you mistakenly believe the whole world of humans thinks exactly the same way you do for precisely the same reason it’s easy to judge and never forgive.  A transgression is a transgression right?  Well, not necessarily as these many chapters have tried to illuminate for you.

I don’t believe in a punishing God or subscribe to a punishing religion.  I don’t hang out with punitive friends and have distanced myself from judgmental and unforgiving family.  I forgive them all for they know not what they do.  If people knew the truth about life, life lessons, human interactions, etc. and truly had the capacity to feel the emotions of others deep within their soul, they might know the beautiful grace and compassion that forgiveness can bring.  It is not ever intended to excuse unsavory or dark behavior but to free a soul from perpetuating the darkness inflicted upon it.  Sometimes that darkness is only an illusion, so that is even more of a reason to me to find forgiveness.

There are those I could be right angry with today and hold a grudge, hatred or even seek revenge against.  Would I?  No.  Not for one single moment.  If I walk this Earth so wounded that means I have failed in my life lessons, I have failed to transcend the darkness and I have failed to find the light in my learning.  Forgiveness isn’t an easy thing to do in some cases but my mom always taught me that two wrongs do not make a right.  To me, forgiveness is the only way out of a miserable space of emotional existence.

I found at first, forgiving others was easy.  I could understand why they did what they did even if it hurt my feelings.  I could forgive situations, Mother Nature and strangers even.  It was much harder for me to learn to forgive myself.  But, even that became one of the most freeing endeavors.  To forgive does not excuse.  To forgive someone or one’s self means freedom from carrying the darkness or negativity of a situation.  I find the love and light of understanding a much lighter load to bear as I go through my life and so forgiveness is not an option, it is an imperative.  It is an imperative for me because I need the freedom to explore the truth about life, the true loving nature of this world and all of humanity no matter how it chooses to present itself.

Without the ability to strive to understand who and what I face and why, I’m bound to these things in a potentially negative way until I finally get it and then once I get it I can entertain forgiving and then the more I understand and feel the truth, the more I find forgiveness isn’t even necessary.  There was no transgression in truth to begin with - it was an illusion. The rest of my actions become a matter of what I have energy to deal with and what I think I don’t. I then make decisions accordingly.

You can love a sociopath but to stand in earshot or arm’s reach is a bit sadistic…to hold anger and toxic hatred for them – well, that is just further punishing the self.  So, forgive, remember, understand, work through the emotion and then you’ll find there is no need for conscious effort to let go. There is nothing there any more to let go of.  Through the freedom of forgiveness we give ourselves the space we need to exist in harmony with all that is as it is.  We don’t need to control or to change things because we have come to understand things not as we think they should be but as they are.  We begin to accept and then we are free.

This is what understanding forgiveness means.  It means we come to a place of true knowledge.  We’re no longer dealing with assumption, perspectives or beliefs that hide the truth or emotion that is so often faulty or off-based.  We deal with reality because we can feel our way to it.  You can feel nothing but toxic emotion if you cannot forgive.  To forgive is truly divine.

To summarize the thoughts of this chapter:

• To forgive means we understand.
• To forgive means we are making a conscious choice to set down heavy and toxic emotion that is more than likely based on the illusion of our perceptions untested as valid truth.
• To forgive means we allow ourselves to accept others and ourselves as they are without the need to change them.
• To forgive means that we have begun to understand how humanity operates and that all are an integral part of existence – even the good, the bad and the ugly.  All have their place just as we have ours.
• To forgive means that we are choosing freedom.
• With freedom we grant ourselves permission to heal, to work through what prevents our growth and to learn to love, feel compassion and honor ourselves with the highest integrity by holding only ourselves to a standard of behavior we choose.
• As we achieve success in our forgiving endeavors we lead by example and free others to follow in our footsteps.