Chapter 8 - More on Illusion

When emotion strikes, as often it does in us humans, it is difficult - so very difficult to exercise restraint in action or reaction. However, that is exactly what is needed. You see, when you are emotional, you are not centered and will be wholly unable to use all of your faculties to understand a situation before you and respond to it rather than react to it.

If you are unable to refrain from action or reaction, you may do something you will later regret or worse, make a situation into something it simply isn't. When emotion strikes, no matter the reason, disconnect from the seeming external source and feel your way through the emotion first without using one single assumption, then respond to the situation instead of reacting to it. 

We mistakenly think our emotions are born from a source outside of us and that our emotions represent pure fact. But you see that simply is not true. Only we can ever be the creators of our emotion and unless we create emotion based on hard evidence and empirical facts, we are wasting time and precious energy. It's a hard life lesson to understand but it is truth. One of the biggest illusions we collectively hold is that something outside of us can make us sad, angry, happy, frustrated, or whatever other emotion comes up within us.   

Let me give you an example.  If someone called you a three-eyed monster, you likely wouldn't care because you don't have 3 eyes and are not a monster.  This comment doesn't resonate with any part of your being and so you may respond by saying, "Um, okay" while rolling your eyes thinking the other person crazy.  They have exposed nothing in you close to your core or wounds and so you respond from your center and there is no emotion evoked in you. 

However, if someone called you a needy, clingy manipulative jerk and this comment resonates with any insecurity or wound you hold, you may feel exposed and become angry or from some place within, afraid.  You become angry or fearful only to the extent you think someone has exposed a wound and sees you for who you really are inside or maybe someone else has accused you of the same thing and you are sensitive.  You think someone has just made you angry but it is only you who creates the anger. 

What if the other person had no clue about you and was just randomly looking for an insult that might hurt you?  If you did not believe the insult, it would roll off of you.  If a part of you believes the insult may have merit, you will create emotion to protect the wound and then if you act or react while angry, you might retaliate creating more conflict and adrenaline that ultimately will make you feel horrible and then the insults escalate and continue until you stop speaking or you go away from the person who seemingly hurt you.

Another example, someone pays us a compliment and we like how that feels and so we create a sense of happiness and think it is this person that makes us happy.  But, they go away from us for one of many reasons and we then are unhappy because they did not stay like we wanted them too.  Are people really never allowed to leave you and live their own lives just because you need someone outside of you to create a feeling of happiness within you?  Really?  That is a huge contract to bind someone to and wholly selfish.  Really!  When you do this, you hand over responsibility for yourself - you give away your power. 

The other person has nothing to do with the emotion you create within you.  You are a valid and wonderful human being whether or not anyone ever pays you a compliment.  It is you that creates the emotion based on what you think about the compliment paid to you.  The emotion is yours, generated by you and not the outside world.  So, a person who does not stay with you does not take away your happiness if they should leave you.  You created your happiness.  You will create your happiness again and the other person is really not relevant at least not in the way most would commonly believe. 

Now that is not to say that you won't miss the person who went away or that you won’t have some emotions you may need to focus on and contend with.  The point is that the other person does not hold your happiness.  That is too big a burden to place on someone else.  Only you can create the emotion of happiness.

The illusions in life separate us from the one true feeling (not read emotion) we always have at hand -- love. Until we begin to understand how and why we create emotion, we will mistakenly believe that other people create our joy or our pain.  People can seem to create our emotions but honestly, no one on Earth has that much power over you.  Only you hold that power ultimately and completely.  Once you understand, you set a path of freedom for you.  You are no longer dependent on the outside world to create your pleasure, serenity or joy. 

Likewise, you do not have to create pain in you by the words or actions of others.  We are not taught to strip away the superficial layers of our normal and natural reactions to external stimulus in this world.  If we were, we'd all be much healthier as we walk this journey.  We often go through life oblivious of the creation of our emotions and the triggers as well as the source of those triggers.  We spill our power out in every direction thinking others control our joy and pain.  It is an illusion and when you get tired of the consequences - I mean SO sick and tired of the consequences that you cannot stand them another moment, perhaps then you will go within and attempt to seek understanding of what within you needed your attention and understanding. 

See, people interact with us often to expose our weaknesses so that we can become aware of them and try to understand why they exist.  Conflict and the resulting emotion can actually be your best friend - if, and only if, you are willing to try to understand your reactions and transcend the prisons they place you in - that you place you in.  When you can respond to a situation from a place of love and understanding, you wield your power in the strongest light.  Anything else hands your power away to another that doesn't really deserve that much power.

To summarize our learning in this section:

• One of life’s biggest illusions is that others have the power to create your happiness or conversely, your misery.
• When we put the responsibility of our happiness or the blame of our misery on someone else, we are handing over our power and responsibility.
• It is illusory thought that makes it seem like others are that powerful.  In truth, only you hold that power.
• Emotional responsibility and accountability is power and can be wielded with integrity.  The cost is giving up blame or putting others above or below you.
• There is no one above or below you.  We’re all part of humanity living out our lives interacting with each other, teaching and learning from each other for the pure joy of the journey.
• You’ll know when you’re dealing with an illusion by the emotions you have inside.  Question their origins, test the assumptions and know when you feel the compulsive need to react or defend, you’re being given a very important opportunity to explore where you have placed your power.
• When you know where your power truly resides, healing, forgiveness or the illusion of broken fences needing mending transforms into truth far and away different from your perception.
• These concepts are not commonly taught but this knowledge you can test. 
• The ego, due to its inherent self-seeking, self-protecting nature is always comparing, contrasting and seeking alliances.  It will give and take power at any cost.  Challenge those impulses and seek their origins.  You may find you are dealing with assumption, perception and illusion that has nothing to do with reality at all.